What if.....

Written some time ago, I just copied and pasted it here.

Not for people who are ultra-religious (borrowing Daniel's term), people who don't find humor in serious stuff, or generally anyone who thinks charismatic churches are overdoing stuff. (I'm from a charismatic church!) I just believe that my God isn't just a God, but also a God of freedom and laughter and joy.

Just last night I realised something when I was reading the Bible. It wasn't a divine revelation or anything of that sort, but it can be what I call a literary revelation. When I read the Bible, particularly the chapters describing any event or story, I always felt like that was something missing there.

Now I know what it is. Very simply, it lacks what I THINK can be called a narrative timeline. You hardly feel as though time passes from one event to another. It's more like a heavily summarised passage, I suppose. When they say something like "and they returned to (insert place name here) I vaguely get the impression that the journey took place in the snap of fingers - because they didn't mention that said journey probably took a few weeks because they were on foot.

Ok, just ranting nonsense here, but another idea popped into my head. WHAT IF THE PASSAGES IN THE BIBLE WEREN'T SO HEAVILY SUMMARISED, as in, EVERYTHING was described in detail, like a modern-day novel?

Example: Exodus 14:21 - Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the Lord caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea into dry land, and the waters were divided.

Modern-day novel-like version:
The man standing there could have been easily mistaken to be somebody's grandfather, but everyone who knew him knew better, for he was Moses, the great man of God who had been sent to deliver the Israelites out of Egypt. Moses closed his eyes, allowing the peace of God to wash over him. God had never failed to help him every inch of the way, ever since the first confrontation with the egoistic Egyption pharaoh. As expected, the man had sent his troops after the fleeing Israelites. That man had to learn how to be a gracious loser, for sure.

The Israelites were panicking. Moses couldn't blame them. A sea lay ahead of them, and if they lingered any longer on the beach, the Egyptians were sure to catch up with them. The Israelites weren't equipped to handle battle. Not yet, and not with the Egyptians, who were a thousand times more skilled in these sort of affairs.

Moses reached out his hand towards the calm waters. Some time ago, before the Lord had spoken to him, this would have seemed absurd and absolutely laughable to him, but now things were different. He had seen what God was capable of, with his very own eyes in Egypt.

The sea was a wide expanse of blue, tinged with colour, the waters reflecting the sinking orange evening sun. There was just the barest hint of a breeze in the air, but the sea waters told a different story. It was as though someone had turned on a giant leaf-blower and directed it to the middle of the water.

The wind picked up ever so slightly.

The sea rippled violently as the waters parted - really parted - to reveal the sea bed. It was like someone, just for the heck of it, had built a hundred metre-wide road with towering blue walls on either side of the road. The ground was perfectly dry, absolutely no puddles of water anywhere, albeit rather rocky. Crossing the sea now was a simple matter of merely walking through the road to the other side. The Lord God was good.




Another thing. The way the NKJV is, you'll think that everyone in that time is speaking their native language version of Shakespearan or Jane Austenien English. Do they really, literally go, "Oh, my dearest Father, forgive me for I have sinned against Thou"? What if those events took place in somewhere else?

Let's say, for an example. Malaysia. What would the Bible be like if those events took place in Malaysia? Hmmm...


Genesis 28: 1-2
And then ah, Isaac call Jacob, and bless him, and tell him, "You don't marry Canaan girl ah! You go now to Padan Aram, to your ah-kong's house, and you find your uncle's daughter - you know who I talking about? I mean your cousin, your cousin, lah! - and marry that girl.."


This is fun/amusement in the times of immense boredom I experience frequently.



Genesis 18:9
NKJV: Then they said to him, "Where is Sarah your wife?" And he said, "Here, in the tent."

American hip hop version: Then they said, "Yo, dawg, where's your mama?" And he said, "Yo, my bro, she ain't anywhere, she's right here in the tent, man!"



Genesis 25:24
NKJV: So when her days were fulfilled for her to give birth, indeed there were twins in her womb.

Scientific version: So when her due date arrived, indeed they discovered that she had released TWO secondary oocytes during her last ovulation period, and two separate spermatogonia had fertilised said secondary oocytes, producing twins. And then those zygotes had undergone mitosis to form embryos, which attached themselves to the profilerated walls of the endometrium, which is the lining of the uterus, and subsequently underwent more mitosis and cell differentiation, forming two foetuses which were born into said twins.


OK that was dumb.



Genesis 28:7
NKJV: Then he said, "Look, it is still high day; it is not time for the cattle to be gathered together. Water the sheep, and go feed them."

Disney/Barney/Hannah Montana/Bananas in Pajamas/whatever-cartoon-that-is-popular-now version: (Imagine singsong voice) And then he said - everybody, all you little children, together now! - Lookie there! It's still early, and the sun is shining brightly, and it's a happy day, it's time to PWWAAYYY! And since it's still early, do you know what that means? That's right! It's not time for the cattle to go home to Mommy and Daddy, so it's teatime for the little fluffy sheep! Who wants chocolate milk and cookies?


I feel retarded. I hope whoever's reading this feels retarded too. It's the least I can do to comfort myself.



2 Samuel 13:23
NKJV: And it came to pass, after two full years, that Absalom had sheepshearers in Baal Hazor, which is near Ephraim, so Absalom invited all the king's sons.

Text message/msn version: N it came 2 pas, after 2 ful year, tat Abslm hd shpshearer in Ba2l Hzr, nr Ephrm, so Abslm invitd all d kings sons.



Exodus 32:4
NKJV: ... and made a golden calf. Then they said, "This is your god, O Israel, that brought you out of the land of Egypt!"

SPM Bahasa Malaysia essay version: ... dan diperbuatlah seekor anak lembu emas. Mereka pun mengucap, "O tuan-tuan dan puan-puan Israel yang dihormati, Inilah tuhanmu, yang bertangggungjawab membawamu keluar dari tanah Egypt! Seperti yang dikatakan peribahasa Melayu,...."


And then...



Nilai: Kepercayaan Kepada Tuhan.
Definisi: Kepercayaan dan keyakinan bahawa whatever-the-shit-that's-supposed-to-be-the-official-definition-of-this-value
Huraian: Orang Israel sepatutnya mengamalkan nilai Kepercayaan Kepada Tuhan.


Oh wait that's the nilai. Aah forget about that, I'm not sure how to write that.



Genesis 3:2
NKJV:... "We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden."

Pre-school version: A for APPPLE! B for BREES! C for CARDEN!!!!



Exodus 32:24
NKJV: Whoever has any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it to me, and I cast it into the fire, and this calf came out.

Physics version:
Heat provided by fire = Heat gain by gold
Q = mcT
Where Q = Heat provided by fire
m = mass of gold
c = specific heat capacity of gold
T = change in temperature



Revelation 22:21
NKJV: ..... Amen.

KTT version (or rather, Susu and Daniel's version):
Susu(ending a prayer): Thank you Lord! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you! Thank you! Thank -
Daniel: Susu, the word to use is AMEN.



I was going to add a My Immortal version, but realised that probably nobody I know has ever read My Immortal. Oh well.

I need a life. And a new sense of humour.

typing with a QWERTY keypad

Haven't updated in ages.

Hey! Say! JUMP is cute. But it's hard to take them seriously.

MY GIRL IS OUT!!!!

The workshops are BORING!

My email still not replied... How freaking long can it take?????!!!!

I wanna go Taman Negara after A2, but too damn expensive and no other girls going(if we are even going at all) = not allowed to go.

Yawn.

Please, please, everyone who knows about it, pray for me =D

Bit of ranting

WHY DO SOME PEOPLE DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD??

People fight over anything and everything. I suppose it's true to some extent that if people don't have anything to fight over, they'll just find something to fight over.

I've seen an unbelievable amount of arguments over the internet over the existence of God, especially on Youtube of all places. Some idiot would just make a racist comment, which would lead to arguments over races, leading in turns to arguments over religion.

Some people say that religion is not good and leads to huge religious wars between people of different beliefs. True, fights and even wars sometimes erupt when people simply want to wipe off others who don't believe in their god. But does God even advocate war?

I may not be a religious expert, but GOD DOES NOT ADVOCATE WAR. Christians learn to love one another, that we are all one in the body of Christ. Killing someone, would be like killing your own brother. Yes, God did command His people to conquer the lands in the Old Testament, but I believe that His instructions were for His own glory, and to bless His people with the riches He promised them. God does not command people to kill when His enemies mock His name. God does not order nations to wars to seek revenge. See the difference?

Can anyone say that the religious wars nowadays are happening under God's command? There is a huge, huge difference in God ordering a nation to go to war, and a mere (idiotic, moronic, egoistic, inflated, pig-headed) human declaring war claiming it to be a mission to glorify his god, because whatever it is you do, you DON'T do it of your own accord. You do it because God wishes you to do it, and because you want to please Him by doing it according to the values of His Kingdom.

There is no need for a god, some people might say. Then, who are you, where did you come from, and where are you going? Humans can't possibly be beings evolved from prokaryotes after millions of years, and those who claim that this is true should probably study science a bit more deeper beyond the chapter on evolution:

Darwin's Theory of Evolution is a slow gradual process. Darwin wrote, "…Natural selection acts only by taking advantage of slight successive variations; she can never take a great and sudden leap, but must advance by short and sure, though slow steps." [1] Thus, Darwin conceded that, "If it could be demonstrated that any complex organ existed, which could not possibly have been formed by numerous, successive, slight modifications, my theory would absolutely break down." [2] Such a complex organ would be known as an "irreducibly complex system". An irreducibly complex system is one composed of multiple parts, all of which are necessary for the system to function. If even one part is missing, the entire system will fail to function. Every individual part is integral. [3] Thus, such a system could not have evolved slowly, piece by piece. The common mousetrap is an everyday non-biological example of irreducible complexity. It is composed of five basic parts: a catch (to hold the bait), a powerful spring, a thin rod called "the hammer," a holding bar to secure the hammer in place, and a platform to mount the trap. If any one of these parts is missing, the mechanism will not work. Each individual part is integral. The mousetrap is irreducibly complex. [4]

Darwin's Theory of Evolution is a theory in crisis in light of the tremendous advances we've made in molecular biology, biochemistry and genetics over the past fifty years. We now know that there are in fact tens of thousands of irreducibly complex systems on the cellular level. Specified complexity pervades the microscopic biological world. Molecular biologist Michael Denton wrote, "Although the tiniest bacterial cells are incredibly small, weighing less than 10^-12 grams, each is in effect a veritable micro-miniaturized factory containing thousands of exquisitely designed pieces of intricate molecular machinery, made up altogether of one hundred thousand million atoms, far more complicated than any machinery built by man and absolutely without parallel in the non-living world." [5]

And we don't need a microscope to observe irreducible complexity. The eye, the ear and the heart are all examples of irreducible complexity, though they were not recognized as such in Darwin's day. Nevertheless, Darwin confessed, "To suppose that the eye with all its inimitable contrivances for adjusting the focus to different distances, for admitting different amounts of light, and for the correction of spherical and chromatic aberration, could have been formed by natural selection, seems, I freely confess, absurd in the highest degree." [6]

Point is, higher organisms are simply too complex to have been able to evolve by mutation little by little, to form such complex mechanisms even at the molecular level. Even then, what are the chances that a mutation will occur, and taking that, the chances that the mutated cell or gene will not be destroyed, and the chances that that particular mutation will be beneficial? Such a probability will be incredibly low for it to happen naturally. Doesn't this show God's hand in creation? Of course, God did not send down a bolt of lightning and hundreds of more complex organisms simply appeared from thin air. We may never know what really happened, but whatever it was, things were just too complicated for them to happen on their own. And who else but God having a hand in all those "accidental" mutations that could bring forth so many complex creatures.

Just because the laws of science can explain how life and the universe operate and work doesn't mean there is no Maker. Would it be rational to believe that there's no designer behind airplanes because the laws of science can explain how airplanes operate and work?

Sometimes, I do understand why some people don't see a need for God in their lives. Everything might be going well for them. They could be doing well in their studies, their work, family life and everything else. I suppose there is a general perception that people who can't take care of themselves or aren't independent enough to handle life on their own turn to a god to help them along. The thing is, God helps everyone, not just His people. Won't a father still love and help his children even though his children don't love him? That's where Christians are different from people of other religions. No offense meant here. Christians focus on the relationship between themselves and God. Others focus on the religion itself. Honestly, if my god is a fat man with thick eyebrows and baboon hair and five arms and six legs and a pig's tail and goodness knows what else, and threatens hell unless I obey each and every rule in his book, I would rather go to hell than to heaven with this god.

If God weren't helping you with every single thing in your life, do you think you would be where you are now in life? I don't believe that I could have achieved anything in life without God's blessings. Even the simple fact that I am alive and well, I believe, attests that God's hand over my life.

Then why does God allow pain and suffering? Many non-believers and believers alike have asked this question, and I have heard many different answers to this. If there's no pain and suffering in the world, it would almost be like heaven, and there would be no need for man to turn to God. God feels pain too, when His people go against him, so why wouldn't us, man created in His image, feel pain as well? Can you imagine a parent over-protecting a child to the extent that the child does not need anything in life? It wouldn't do any good to the child or to the parent.

Where people have weaknesses, God's greatness shines through. Where people have strengths, God's power in their lives shines through.

Most people would just say that they don't need God and they're doing fine on their own. But are they really fine on their own? I can't imagine a day going by without me thinking, oh God please help me with this. Proof just today: I was worried that I would get to Seremban from Nilai late, and was praying that the taxi wouldn't come too late. My prayer was simple - I asked God to just send the taxi within 5 minutes. Right after that, I checked the time on my phone - 4.34-ish. Waited, paced up and down till the taxi came into sight. Checked the time again, and discovered that exactly 5 minutes had passed from the time I asked God to intervene. I don't believe that this is luck, as similar situations have happened a lot of time before and almost everything I asked for was granted to me. We just need to open up our eyes to see the small wonders He's doing in our lives.

Boys sometimes ask me what on earth girls talk about, and I would always respond with, "Shopping, boys, clothes, makeup, books." I guess it's true after all, although I'm hardly the kind to have a girls' night out with a whole bunch of girls just chatting about the above stuff.

Susu, Sarah and I spent the previous night "cultivating our artistic talents" in Susu's apartment, making cards and stuff for our friends who are flying off soon. So, so, sorry, Yu Xin, I can't go send you off =p even though I promised myself that I would.

Surprisingly, the number of Christian guys in our year are almost equal to the number of Christian girls. I suppose the girls are just more active. Lol. (Sarah made a list)

Lighter moment: Christian "couples." The best one would be -

Susu + Chai = SuChai

LOL.

I should start packing now. HOME!!!!!

Announcing the union of two awesome people in marriage....

You guys know who I'm talking about.

LOL